I try not to vent my frustrations on my husband, but the reality is that I often find myself parenting as though I were a single mother. Sometimes, I wonder if people think my husband is a figment of my imagination.
I attend soccer games alone, cheer at school concerts by myself, and stand solo at the poolside or the end of the riding arena. I’m the one who helps with homework, tackles school projects, cooks dinner, handles the laundry, and manages most of the household chores.
It’s a tough situation for my husband too—he’s heartbroken because he misses out on all the important moments, as well as the mundane, everyday activities that make up our family life.
Even though I might know his off days well in advance, it doesn’t mean our daughter’s school, her friends, or our daily life can adjust to fit those days. In the past five years, we’ve only managed to squeeze in one summer holiday together. This year, he didn’t get a single day of leave approved during our daughter’s school holidays.
I live by the calendar on my phone—it’s the only way to keep our lives in some semblance of order. The first thing I do is fill in his off days, hoping against hope that we might be lucky enough to get at least one weekend together as a family. Then, I populate the calendar with our daughter’s after-school activities, playdates, birthday parties, and the myriad of other social events that make up a child’s life. As any parent with a school-going child knows, schools operate on the assumption that your entire existence revolves around their schedule. I often receive last-minute messages like, “Tomorrow is the fundraising bake sale, and I need to bring 50 cupcakes,” or “It’s homemade dress-up day, and I need a costume that would impress even Heidi Klum at Halloween.” And let’s not forget the science projects that always seem to pop up at the worst possible times.
After all of that is filled in, I’m left with the scraps of time to allocate for my own work. It’s an intricate juggling act that requires constant attention. If I need to visit ATOs or airlines out of the country, I can only do it on my husband’s rare off days. On his working days, he either leaves too early in the morning to help get our daughter to school—no childcare provider opens at 3 am—or he gets back after midnight, when no one is willing to take care of a child that late.
I’ve had to adapt by working during the hours that most people are asleep—either in the early morning before the house wakes up or late at night after everyone else has gone to bed. This allows me to compensate for the extra time it takes to do a two-parent job all by myself. It’s exhausting, and at times it feels impossible, but it’s the only way to keep everything afloat.
Despite the challenges, we make it work. My husband and I are a team, even if we don’t always get to be in the same place at the same time. I understand Crew Resource Management (CRM) and try not to put too much pressure on him—especially on flying days. But I’ll admit, it’s not always easy. The constant balancing act can sometimes feel like living in a pressure cooker, and there are moments when I might just explode on one of his rare off days.
I deeply appreciate the sacrifices he makes to allow me to spend more time with our daughter by working freelance. Yet, there are days when I feel like my wings are clipped, unable to reach my full potential because I’m constantly juggling responsibilities. While I’m grateful for the beautiful home we’ve built together.
Amidst all this, I’m trying to find time for my “captain mum” work because I want to see real change in the industry. My goal is to pave the way for the next generation, especially my daughter’s, so they won’t have to perform the same precarious balancing act we do. I envision a world where both parents can be fully present in their children’s lives, without having to make painful sacrifices or impossible choices. It’s not just about better supporting mothers, but also fathers, so they can play a more active and supportive role in parenting. By achieving this, we can ensure that future families won’t have to sacrifice nearly as much as we do now.
We both understand the sacrifices we’ve had to make, and while it’s far from the ideal situation, we know it’s the best we can manage at the moment. Our hope is that, someday, things will align more harmoniously, allowing us to truly share in both the joys and responsibilities of family life. Until then, we continue to navigate this complex journey together, striving to find balance in a world that doesn’t always make it easy.