From as far back as I can remember, I had two clear dreams: to soar through the skies as a pilot and to have a family of my own. Growing up with a single mum who was both a successful career woman and an exceptional mother, I witnessed first hand the delicate dance of balancing ambition with family life. I also saw the struggles she faced—the constant juggling act and the stigma that often accompanied being a single, working mum. Yet, I believed that times had changed, that the world had evolved to make it easier for women like me to pursue both dreams.
Despite my mother’s initial resistance, I remained unwavering in my pursuit of aviation. Her concerns were not without merit; after all, the life of a pilot is anything but conventional. It defies the 9-to-5 routine that much of society is built around, demanding sacrifices that are not always visible from the outside. But with the optimism of a new generation, I was convinced I could chart a course that allowed me to have it all.
In the beginning, it wasn’t too difficult. As a single pilot in the tropics, I could manage on the modest pay, living in a quaint wooden house with a schedule that began before sunrise and ended well after sunset. There were many nights spent away from home, but at the time, it seemed like a small price to pay for the adventure and freedom that flying brought. However, it quickly became clear that such conditions weren’t sustainable for raising a family. The salary, as well as the living conditions, simply wouldn’t allow it.
Determined to build a more stable future, I moved on to a better-paying job, flying a twin-turbine aircraft for humanitarian missions in conflict zones. The work was deeply rewarding, but as the saying goes, “the bigger the aircraft, the bigger the suitcase,” and in my case, that suitcase meant being away for two months at a time.
This took a toll on my relationship, although financially, things were improving—we were able to buy a house. However, it often felt like we were just paying for a home we rarely saw. We spent more time talking on Skype than in person, and the prospect of raising a family under such circumstances seemed impossible.
I thought that finally all the stars had aligned when we hit the jackpot and got into the airlines. I believed this would be the moment we could start a family. However, the reality of this achievement was far from the fairytale ending I had imagined.
The life of a pilot often appears glamorous—jet-setting around the world—but the truth is far from that glittering illusion. Your day often begins long before the sun rises and stretches well into the night, or conversely, it starts at dusk and concludes as dawn breaks.
Aviation is a 24/7 industry, and trying to squeeze such a demanding schedule into the conventional 9-to-5 world is like forcing a square peg into a round hole. The result is a lifestyle that makes having a family and maintaining a social life incredibly challenging.
When you’re young and single, the demanding schedule seems like a small price to pay. After all, you’re living the dream, soaring through the skies, visiting new places, and embracing the excitement that comes with each new flight. The irregular hours, long nights, and constant jet lag feel like just another part of the adventure. You’re doing what you love, and that passion fuels you through the early starts and late finishes. The thrill of the job and the freedom of the skies seem to outweigh any inconvenience. But as time goes on, the relentless pace begins to wear you down.
Fatigue starts creeping in, and the excitement that once carried you through the toughest days begins to fade. The body’s natural rhythm is disrupted, leaving you feeling perpetually exhausted. The joy of the job starts to wane as the toll of the unsociable hours and constant time zone changes begins to mount. Relationships, once a source of comfort and stability, become strained under the pressure. It’s hard to maintain a connection when your schedules never align—when you’re finally home, your partner is heading out the door for their own flight. And when both of you are pilots, the challenges are amplified. The conflicting rosters, missed anniversaries, and endless hours apart start to erode the bond that once seemed unbreakable. What once felt like an exhilarating lifestyle now feels more like a test of endurance, with your personal life often taking the hardest hits.
In today’s world, maintaining a household often requires two incomes, and for my husband and me, both of those incomes come from the aviation industry. We’ve been part of this world for over two decades, forging strong bonds with many fellow pilots along the way. Despite the friendships we’ve built, we’ve noticed a striking trend: out of all the couples we know where both partners are pilots, only two remain married to each other. It’s a sobering reality that underscores the immense pressure this lifestyle can place on relationships.
What sets these two couples apart is the unique support system they’ve built around themselves. They’ve created their own little village, living next door to each other and benefiting from the close proximity of a large, extended family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are all nearby, ready to step in and help with childcare and other responsibilities. This strong, interconnected network provides the stability that allows these couples to navigate the demanding schedules of their careers while still maintaining a strong family life. It’s a rare setup that many in our industry simply don’t have.
For many of our other friends, the story has been different. The relentless demands of a dual-pilot household often lead to strained relationships, and in many cases, divorce. When they remarry, it’s often to someone outside the industry, someone whose life isn’t dictated by the unpredictable schedules of aviation. In other cases, one partner—usually the wife—chooses to step back from her flying career to focus on raising the children. It’s a difficult decision, one that’s made out of necessity rather than desire, but it’s a choice that many feel they have no other option but to make.
There are those, like myself, who have managed to stay in the industry without flying, transitioning into roles with various companies in training, safety, and quality assurance. Some women do continue flying while raising a family, but this is usually only possible when their husbands have more conventional 9-to-5 jobs that provide the necessary stability. Sadly, some women who remain childless didn’t do so by choice, but rather because the circumstances of their careers made it too difficult to balance both family and flying. The sacrifices made by pilots, particularly women, are often invisible, but they are very real, and they highlight the need for greater support within the industry.